For the first time in my life...

when I think about my name, I’m surprised it is Nicholette. I feel as of Nicholette isn’t my true name. Kylie isn’t either. I feel as if I know who I am, but everyone tells me I won’t know until I am 25. There are always exceptions to rules. Am I an exception? I know what I want. I am aware of who I am and what I want, even given the young girl thought process. I think I…”love” this guy… Idk. I tend to be stupid. I almost feel that I’ll either stoop low and Marry unhappily rich or I will die before 30. Oh well. Life is life.

where I will be this time next year. Just this past year alone I have changed so much. My life is completely different. I’m not sure if it is a great thing. I have learned a lot about myself and I love that. But getting used to this “new” me is difficult. I’m finally honest with myself. I’m being selfish for the first time in my life and I have been so productive. I’m finally trying to push myself and be better for me, not anyone else. Huxley has changed my life dramatically and I have never been so happy. Despite his bad habits, he’s the best dog ever. If I graduate this year, I don’t know what is going to happen. I’m nervous. I still toy with the idea that I shouldn’t even be here, but I’ve worked so hard to give it all away so easily. I’m content. I want more for myself still. I want to be truly living my life to its full potential. But I can’t rush it. I’ve lost a few friends because of how busy and selfish I’ve been. I’m still trying to be ok with that. But I will be ok. I have to be.

I just want someone around who won’t leave me.

no one wants me around. It sucks. Everyone’s busy.

get rid of every social media app and site that I have, which translates into getting rid of Instagram and tumblr. I love tumblr but I don’t post much anymore. I just want to be alone really. I will have my fun on weekends and then I will be low key with my dog the rest of the week. I’m done with everything that has to do with other people. Once school is over I may be happy but until then, I’m done with everything. I can’t take it.

Just gotta wait. I can’t leave Huxley.

how to truly open up and be honest with people instead of having a finite point of what I’m ok with discussing. I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. But it’s only my happiness I’m really affecting by not opening up.